fuck this feeling

Horrible timing, to start off with.
Next to horrible idea. Horrible smell in this place in either case.

I'm sitting in brain filth. Nothing that i produce brings forth any sense of value to anyone. I am not myself enough to even garner a sense of worth via selfish decisions. I'm losing what it means to have a lasting impression. I don't know if i ever had it, but i'm obviously wrong in my assumption that "first impressions don't matter, nor do any impressions of anything matter."

The true value of a person can only be measured by the person themselves.
And if that person feels like a steaming turd, there is no amount of camouflage to prove otherwise.

It's Thursday

Welcome to a few words.
Welcome to a new post.
Welcome to a world where i'm living in my parent's basement.
Welcome to a breakfast at 1pm.
Welcome to the slow bore of life in a medium of words.
Hi there. It's Evan here.

So starting things off magnificently, i'm eating a carrot like Bugs Bunny, drinking Green Tea like always, and boiling rice like a bachelor. Can of tuna adjacent. Living here in the land-o-Lincoln has been pretty fantastic, considering that I no longer have pneumonia, and no longer have to pay rent.

The downsides of living at home: no cats, no late night parties with roommates, no leaving my socks shoved into the cushions on the couch. It is an acceptable situation. I can live without those things. But seriously, look at this little cute widdle itty bitty kitty cat!

I'm eating better. That's basically been the key component into the success behind reclusing to the basement again. My physiology has been a hacked up casserole of booze, weed, hot pockets, sleep deprivation, time management failure and tuna, rice, and green tea. Maybe all of those things aren't food items! That doesn't mean i wasn't sustaining myself on them! Which is, actually, the point i was trying to make.
The life of a hobo had better time management skills than me. In order to get free food, a hobo has to be at an appropriate place and time. In order to get a good sleepin spot in the park, he's got to beat the other hobos to that cherry spot that blocks the view of the street AND the wind from the river. Or at least the hobo needs to be in good enough shape to fight for his food and sleep. Living in Columbia, I was not in hobo shape.

This can stem back to the manic stage of life i was in coming back from Korea. The joy of seeing all of my friends again, the freedom of understanding the language around me and interacting with it, and the simple peace of not being the object of Korean racism. I was home! And it was a party! and then all my money was spent and i was working at a Foster Home where i was treated just as bad as the worst classes in Korea, confused to the point of disaster by both the clients AND staff, and working nights, therefore not seeing half the friends i wanted to!

This spurned the very depressing string of jobs that led up to my pneumonia. Shakespeare's being (far and away) the best of the bunch. Bartending was a great experience but working for horrible people. The theater had a cool benefit but no room to move up(to a lame management position). So now here I am, completely enveloped by a loving family and suffering from nothing
other than...

i still have no idea what i'm doing

help

Pouring Rain

It takes no effort for rain to fall, yet it takes a vast effort to stay completely dry.
How are we so affected by little things that matter so little? How do we overlook things that matter so much?

Is this EVIL oversight something wrought through nurturing an unbalanced soul through life?
Or more importantly, are we so above this EVIL that we need to point it out and/or worship it in order to feel superior to those that do not notice it?

What has been happening? What did they say? What was the score of the baseball game? When will I get my new iPod?

We care
when we shouldn't.
We pour
when we should drip.
We hate
when love is simpler.

We all do wrong; impossibly, could we all do right? All of us. Any of us.

several colors change; but not black and gold

Homecoming this weekend at Mizzou. I'd probably be more excited if I hadn't been struggling to find work around Columbia. Regardless of any resentment towards my residence, my alma mater will attract a multitude of teammates and classmates that I can't wait to see again. How much time will I have to visit is still undisclosed.

The Cardinals won tonight and I was at work. Makes me wonder if my being at work has anything to do with my team's success. In any case, I kept sneaking peeks at the scoreboard at work. The score was 4-3 for so many innings i thought my Blackberry web browser was tweaking out. And that's when my manager almost walked into me with my head down in my phone.

"Caught you!"
As if to make my disobedient phone usage acceptable, i replied:
"I'm checking the Cardinal's score."
"GET OFF YOUR PHONE"

For some reason, it was a worthy excuse for me to use my phone at work as a way to follow the Playoffs.
Turns out, no it is not.

Go Cardinals anyway

Everything starts somewhere

Upon suggestion from a friend, specifically my friend with dreadlocks and quick shutter finger, this is the beginning of re-blogging. The beginning of a blog to review what I've seen and read and to "rephrase" or cast further light where I can.

There are going to be a few possible ideas that are truly my own, and a few posts that present original thoughts from my bogus youth-cursed mind. That's up to the reader, not me! If I think something should be said, I'mma gonna say it. If I see something wrong, I'lla try ta' fix it.

Saving yourself from boredom means going somewhere safe. Evan's never been happy with "safe."

London Calling Wallstreet

The expression "you had to be there" could apply each of these articles to my life.

I don't perform anymore...i don't practice anymore...i don't read anymore...i don't live anymore.

Please, remember to read these articles whenever you have a spare (30) minutes(that's how long it took me to re-read them). Please read all 3, please. Preferably back-to-back, but separately OK too.
Pig City current jail population due to rioting = 1,000

I'm pretty sure i could fall asleep but...something about the...World...bothers me.
I'm sure SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME AND I SHOULD JUST GO TO SLEEP.
But then where would these thoughts lead to in my dreams? In my sleep, not yours. In my world, not ours. Share with me, help me, tell me what you think. What world do WE live on? What channel is that world on? What's the website for that world?

In my world, there is a dislike button.

In our world, this is happening...
"London Calling" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiVvA9YQpiI


London Calling
British Prime Minister Does a 180 on Internet Censorship
EFF August 11th, 2011 
[ https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2011/08/british-prime-minister-does-180-internet ]


what -IS- "wrong" with us???



"Congratulations! you get to live a 'normal' life"
Generation F*cked
How Britain is Eating Its Young
Adbusters #71 (May/June 2007)
[ http://www.adbusters.org/magazine/71/generation-fcked.html ]

“All our things are right and wrong together. The wave of evil washes all our institutions alike.” - RWE

Superheroes Don't Go To College
8 Reasons Young Americans Don't Fight Back: How the US Crushed Youth Resistance
The ruling elite has created social institutions that have subdued young Americans and broken their spirit of resistance.
AlterNet /  Bruce E. Levine July 31, 2011
[ http://www.alternet.org/vision/151850/8_reasons_young_americans_don%27t_fight_back_--_how_the_us_crushed_youth_resistance?page=entire ]

I may have several things wrong with me but it's always good to feel like your brain works.
I have had several things on my mind lately and it's good to read about how OFTEN i've been right...in my own head, at least.
Maybe I should just sleep on it.
I'm sure everything is fine.
...maybe not